What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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