It's Friday. Sex?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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