there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
