come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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