wanna go halves on a baby?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
