I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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