dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
