I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
