I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish i was in the wii world.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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