I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Your penis caused this!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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