hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
