Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
