So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
