I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
