Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
