Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
