He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
