It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
