Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
