atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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