pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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