Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
