Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
