reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
