You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
