She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
