So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize