I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
