i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
