I wish I could punch you in the face.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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