hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize