so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
