Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
