he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
