next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
