i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
