You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
