Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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