i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
