i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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