you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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