Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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