I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
