Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
