ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
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Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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