I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
