You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
