woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
