Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
