i think my mom watched the whole time
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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