I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
