Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Can I color on your dick again?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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