The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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