Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
