i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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