sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
