Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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