we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
