Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if i can run in heels then i can drive
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
