i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize