id be glad to
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
