That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
