I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
