i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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