dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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