): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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