You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
