I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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