Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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