Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
