my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
