I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
